Today is a Good Day for Change

Today is a good day for change. Today is a good day to try something new. Today is the day I am putting the first entry into this online journal where I plan to share with you the journey I am starting to find my own peace and happiness.

In no way do I presume to be a expert in happiness or even mental health and battling anxiety and depression, but after struggling with both for years I am deciding to try something different. I am going to put my dreams as a priority. I am going to work at being the best version of myself. I am not going to let doubt and fear stop me. I am going to stop wishing for more and go for more. I have a emptiness inside me and I feel like something is missing in my life and today I decided to start searching for it. I refuse to settle for less anymore and today I realized the only one that can fill that emptiness is me. Maybe you are reading this and you have the same feelings that you need something new, you need a change. I am not sure where this journey will take me but maybe I can share my experiences and struggles and we can grow together.

So first things first I am inherently a planner and find I do best when I have goals to strive for. So I need to find a plan. I have read countless articles on 'Why do I feel empty' and I realized that one emptiness is not completely generated from your surroundings - its internal and two emptiness means not being true to your own self. While I found some comfort in knowing that I am not alone in the search for fulfillment and peace, I realized I wasn't going to find relief until I take action over my own life and happiness. So while most articles say the things we all already know about taking care of yourself and be healthy, there was one article that said if you feel disconnected from yourself then you need to take the time to reconnect. One way to reconnect is think back to your childhood, what did you like to do? While we grow and change into adults the little child inside us might be crying out for attention and when we ignore that for too long we are left in silence and emptiness as our true inner child has been shushed for too long.

So step one all the articles agree that self care is a critical part of both mental and physical health so I plan on making that a priority. But I also needed to connect with myself so I made a list of all the things I used to enjoy as a kid. I made sure to put my current life situation or biases about what I should feel aside and just wrote it all out. One recurring theme was I used to love to play make believe and make up stories about worlds I could only have imagined. This longing stuck with me as when I was 20 I started writing one of these stories into a novel, but unfortunately life happened and I put the book aside and now at 31 the story still whispers in the back of my mind with the characters still visiting my thoughts from time to time. Why have I not picked back up the book sooner? Too busy pursing the job I thought I should have? Too scared? Doubt about my ability as a writer? Dismissed the idea because as a adult I shouldn't still be playing make believe with characters that don't exist? Whatever the reason one thing was clear, if I wanted to reconnect with my inner child, I need to finish the story and not let fear stop me from sharing it. I should say that by trade I went to school for business and currently work as a data analyst, so why would I dream about being a writer? My skills are based in numbers and analytics not fantasy and fiction. So when I expressed this concern to my boyfriend he simply said that things you do more often you will become better at and there is lessons to be learned even in failures. Which led me to this blog. My practice ground. My place to begin getting comfortable with people reading my writing. If I cant share my thoughts and experiences how am I ever supposed to be comfortable sharing my characters and imaginary world? Maybe I can grow as a author and help others on their path to finding happiness with this blog.