The last few months in a nutshell have been hectic, to say the least and quite frankly I have felt deflated and squished under the pressure of life. I had a fight with one of my closest/longest friends which ended with us no longer speaking, one of my grad school classes ended up being harder than expected and I failed the final, my ex-husband started harassing me again when he realized the restraining order finally expired naturally, there was a very real scare that I was in fact going to lose my house due to financing issues, and then in a long-boarding accident my poor boyfriend broke his ankle and needed surgery putting him out of work for months.
In the midst of all this stress and feeling like a solider on the battlefield of life - I will admit it - I crawled into bed, snuggled into my favorite blanket and binged watched Netflix for 8 seasons of Supernatural. And even though I wanted to stay there in bed and live in the fantasy world of television, through support of my boyfriend and sheer stubbornness I found the resilience to get up and crawl back out into the world. One Sunday, my boyfriend and I went up to visit his grandmother and family and sitting outside I started talking to his cousin. And as we discussed the basic daily life things, he said something that stuck with me he told me 'The problem with people is they are chasing the wrong things. They should be chasing the little things like the sound of the creek behind us.' I have to be honest I didn’t even notice the sound of the water running behind us until he mentioned it, but once he said it I did find it calming and soothing. It reminded me how much I needed to be more present and notice the world around me. The excitement my dogs have every time they see me, or how cute they are while we cuddle in bed. The look in my boyfriends eyes every time he smiles at me. The sound rain makes on the roof of the house in a thunderstorm. The way the wind feels on my face when I take a morning ride on my bike. For me these things helped me move forward and kept me out of my anxiety filled mind while I dealt with the stress life had piled on me.
In the end, after months of silence my friend and I mended our wounds. My finance lady was able to get me a new loan and save the house. I swallowed my pride, talked to my teacher and admitted I needed help - retook the class and passed. Thankfully, I found out through the grapevine that my ex is moving out of state to be with his family. And my boyfriend's surgery went well and he is starting to be able to do more for himself and is healing.
When we are buried in the stress and demands of life - sometimes its hard to remember there is a whole world out there still. Its hard to remember that there are still little things each day that can bring a smile to your face if you take a moment to appreciate them. I tried to make a system figure out life balance and scheduling and happiness and blogging and working and studying, and while I still believe in that as a framework - I realized I missed the most important step: Remember to listen for the sound of the creek.